HUMOR - BILL GATES - LOVE THIS ONE

Bill Gates: Luv this one...

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives (!?!), read on....

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........  Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.  You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6 The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal  Operation' warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7.  The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9.  Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

11.  PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate -  their computer.

THE JANITOR - A MountainWIngs Moment By: Unknown

The Janitor
============

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor.

The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day."

Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed."

Stunned, the man leaves.

Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb flat of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that
night. And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes.

Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade
it in again so that he can buy a pick-up truck to support his expanding business.

By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned. "What, you don't have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce?

Just imagine where you would be now, if you had been connected to the internet from the very start!"

After a moment of thought, the tomato millionaire replied,

"Why, of course!  I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft!"

~Author Unknown~
The MountainWings moral of the story:

1. The Internet, e-mail, and e-commerce do not need to rule or determine your life.

2. If you don't have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire.

3. There are much greater connections than the Internet.

4. E-mail addresses are free, and companies are begging you to take one. What does that tell you?

5. Seeing that you got this story via e-mail, are you closer to becoming a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire?

   If the answer is janitor, then e-mail is obviously not the key to money.

6. If you take what you have, and multiply it each day, not only will you become a millionaire, you will also become a billionaire. That equation works for all things in life.

7. It is far better to be a happy janitor than an unhappy millionaire, but all other things being equal, it is better to
   be a happy millionaire than a happy janitor. You can help more people.

8. Closed doors are often blocks to the wrong path.

9. Unbeknown to most, the janitor in many corporations, is actually happier and sleeps better than the CEO.

10. It's really not the job that's the bottom line to your happiness.

   REALLY!

~A MountainWings Original Moral~